Charlie and the House Elf
by Rita Arabella Black
Summary: Charlie's having a hard time keeping his new house in order. What he needs is a house elf. But where on earth can he find one?


**A/N: In my world Charlie Weasley lives in America, plays professional Quidditch (seeker), works at a dragon preserve during the off season and helps his friends fight dark magic. He recently bought a small house in Austin, Texas (See my story, **_**After the War**_**).**

_Based on characters created by J. K. Rowling_

Charlie and the House Elf

"You look like shit," Joanna said happily to Charlie as he sat down next to her in the Reds' dining room early Monday morning.

Charlie drank his entire cup of hot coffee in one gulp before he said, "Thank you. I feel like shit."

Charlie spent the whole weekend at his new house in Austin with friends and he partied like he was 18 again. He bought the house as a getaway, a peaceful retreat, but so far, it's been like living in a college fraternity house. Lee and Jason, the two first team beaters for the Reds decided it was their home away from home ever since they found out Charlie lives next door to a house full of muggle college coeds.

He knew things would settle down in a few months, after the new wore off. In his whole life, this was the first time Charlie had ever lived alone. He went from his very large family of nine to the dragon preserve in Romania, to the dragon preserve in Texas, and finally to the Quidditch training camp, where he was housed in a dorm-like setting. The last two seasons, however, he'd been given his own room, but he didn't count that as living alone, since he shared showers and meals with the other players.

His plan was to stay at his house on the weekends he wasn't on the road; he wanted peace. He specifically chose a muggle neighborhood and the anonymity that went with it. Since he was probably the best known Quidditch player in the American League, and photographers and reporters stalked him pretty much all the time, living in a wizard neighborhood was out of the question.

Being a celebrity often worked to his advantage, meeting girls and to his detriment, constantly being bothered. He was a nice guy, but most of the time it got on his nerves to be accosted by someone who has to tell him how to play his position, is madly in love with him, hates his guts, or thinks he drinks too much. Genuine fans never bothered him; after all he loved the sport, too. It was just the jerks, freaks, and reporters that he could happily live without. And lately, it seemed the jerks, freaks, and reporters were outnumbering the genuine fans.

Charlie got another cup of coffee, which he drank much slower. Sighing heavily, he said, "My mum would beat me to death if she got a look at the mess I left in my house this morning. No, she would knock me into the middle of next week, and then wait and beat me to death."

"Damn, Charlie. Is it really that bad?" Joanna asked.

He nodded solemnly. His eyes perked up. "You know what I need, Joanna?" he asked.

"A wife?"

Charlie gave her a dirty look. "No. I need a house elf. Where the hell do you get one around here?"

Joanna shook her head. "Sorry, love. No house elves in America."

"You're kidding, right?" He asked incredulous.

"Nope. They never got to this country." Joanna went back to reading her paper.

"Well, shit," Charlie said. "Can't I get one mailed to me from England?"

"Jesus, Charlie, it's not like buying a sweater." She said.

"What's not like buying a sweater?" Joanna's husband Jordan asked, sitting down with a tray of food." He kissed her and handed her half the food off the tray.

"Getting a house elf. Charlie thinks he needs one." Joanna explained.

"Good idea. I've seen your house. I didn't think you could get one here. You used to get them in Canada, but I don't think you can anymore. The French brought them over. My parents have two, I think."

"I don't want to own one. I would pay a salary. Do the Canadian house elves speak English?" Charlie wondered.

"My parents' house elves do. They have been with the family for ages."

Joanna's face was leaning against her palm. "I didn't know they had house elves."

"They pretty much stay out of the way. You know how uppity my parents are. They're also extremely liberal and would rather be dead than have people know they keep house elves. Too _bourgeois_." Jordan said. "I don't think there's a market for them anymore. But I'll ask."

"Why don't you get yourself a nanny?" Joanna suggested.

"Well, if I could get one as hot as _your_ nanny, maybe." He wagged his eyebrows up and down.

"Maybe I'll hook you two up," Jordan said.

"Sincerely?" Charlie asked. He thought their baby's nanny, Justine, was quite attractive. She wasn't too young and was slightly overweight, but she had curves instead of planes, which Charlie found very attractive.

"Fuck no," Joanna said. "You're not stealing away our nanny. I know you too well, Charlie Weasley. You'd break her heart and she'd have to leave and we'd be out a nanny for Kayleigh. No, no, and hell no." She was adamant.

"Who said I'd break her heart? Damn, Joanna. That makes me feel bad." Charlie said, clutching his heart.

Joanna flipped him off. Charlie laughed. He turned to Jordan and nodded, mouthing, "Yeah, hook me up with Justine." Jordan rolled his eyes and flipped him off, too.

After practice, and then dinner with the Kingsley's (with Justine suspiciously absent), Charlie made it to his house around nine thirty. He just apparated when there was a loud knock on his door. Coming through the house, he threw off his Quidditch shirt and pitched his broom in a corner and opened the door.

"Yes?" he said distracted by the clutter in his living room.

"Wow, you're not Herbert Thornton." The very attractive woman standing at his door said.

"I already knew that," he said.

"Is Gloria here?" she asked, trying to peek around him.

"As in Herbert Thornton's Gloria?"

"Yes! Is she here?"

"No."

Was this man obtuse or just stupid? She wondered. "Can you tell me when they'll be back?" She was carrying a heavy looking satchel. "May I come in?"

He looked at her and shrugged. "Sure." He stepped aside as she walked into the foyer. She noticed the messy room and was debating with herself whether she should make a run for it. "Want something to drink?" he asked cordially.

She shook her head. "When did you say the Thornton's would be back?"

"I don't believe I did," Charlie said. "You asked when they'll be back and before I could answer you asked to come in."

"Well?" she asked. Charlie could tell she was started to get pissed or really nervous, but he was having fun playing with her. That's how bored he was.

"Well what?" he asked, deadpanned.

"When will the Thornton's be back?" she enunciated very carefully like she was talking to a very small child.

"I don't reckon they're coming back. I bought their house." Charlie said.

"Oh!" This time the woman looked embarrassed. "You could have told me that before I got inside," she chided.

"I was being polite. You looked like you wanted to sit down." He pointed to the sofa.

"Well, that's true," she laughed softly and sat down.

"Sure you don't want something to drink?" he asked picking up some clothes that were lying in the chair and tossed them on the floor.

She smiled. "No thank you. I had an appointment with the Thornton's about their insurance needs. Do you have life insurance?" she asked, reaching for her satchel.

Charlie wasn't exactly sure what life insurance was, but he was sure he didn't want any. He shook his head.

"What about your loved ones?" she asked.

"What about them?"

"What's going to happen to them after you die?" she asked pulling out a piece of paper from the satchel.

"I guess my mum will cry. My dad'll probably figure I had it coming."

"Are you married?" she asked.

He shook his head.

"Children?"

"Fuck no." He laughed.

She stared at him. What a dumb shit, she thought. "What'll happen to your home?"

Charlie shrugged. "No idea."

"This is a waste of time, isn't it?" she said, finally, shoving the paper back in her brief case and shutting it loudly. "Sorry to bother you, Mr. –"

"Weasley. Charlie Weasley." He said. "What's your name?"

"Amber Whisenaut. It was nice meeting you, Charlie Weasley. If you ever need any kind of insurance, give me a call." She handed him a business card. He took the card and then shook her hand. He held on to her hand.

"I will. Sure you don't want that drink?" He grinned, finally releasing her hand.

She hesitated. "Sure, why not? Whatcha got?" She asked as she smoothed down her skirt.

"Anything you want." He told her sensuously.

"Oh?" She raised an eyebrow. "Anything?" Suddenly the room got very warm.

Charlie smiled at her. The next move was going to be hers. He watched as she licked her lips; she was thinking, trying to decide what to do. Whatever she decided, he had the right reaction. Either they would fall into bed or she would go home. Right now it didn't matter one way or the other to him, he was flexible; whatever she wanted was just fine with him.

Charlie awoke with the sound of a very loud "crack!" He jumped up and Amber who was sleeping on her stomach, her arm across Charlie's chest didn't move. He gingerly moved her hand off his chest. Suddenly he was aware that someone was standing next to his bed. It was still dark, but he could distinguish a pair of tennis ball size eyes, and the biggest ears he had ever seen.

"Minnie heard Master Charlie Weasley was looking for a good house elf," the voice said.

"What?" he asked confused.

"Minnie heard Master was looked for a good house elf." The voice said, louder. "And here Minnie is, Master Charlie Weasley, sir," the house elf bowed very low.

"What the fuck?"

"Minnie heard from Kingsley's house elves. Minnie free house elf and wants to work for Master Charlie Weasley, the greatest Quidditch player in America. No, Minnie thinks Master Charlie Weasley is the _greatest_ Quidditch player in the _whole world_."

"Uh, thanks. Would you mind going down to the kitchen so we can talk?" he asked. He started to get up, but realized he was naked and he didn't want to frighten or scare off the house elf.

Minnie bowed again and disappeared with another loud crack.

By the time Charlie got dressed and made it downstairs, Minnie had already cleaned up his house. Everything was cleaned and his laundry was folded, ready to be put away.

This is great, thought Charlie. Minnie had a glass of warm milk waiting for him when he walked into the kitchen. She bowed very low again when she saw him.

"Nice job, Minnie. Let's talk about pay." He said sitting down at the breakfast bar. He pushed the milk away from him. "No milk, thanks." He said.

The glass disappeared. Minnie dug a leather pouch from around her neck and opened it. She shook its contents into her hand. There were several gold coins, a piece of brown paper, and some things Charlie didn't want to know what they were.

She held out the coins. "Minnie will gladly pay Master Charlie Weasley all the gold Minnie has for the honor of working for the greatest Quidditch player in the universe." She said brightly. Tears were filling her tennis ball eyes.

"No, Minnie," Charlie corrected. "I meant how much do you want me to pay you to work for me?"

Minnie burst into tears. Great wailing and sobs filled the room. "Oh Master Charlie Weasley wants to pay Minnie!" she cried happily. She threw herself on the floor. "This is the happiest day in Minnie's life! To take care of the great Master Charlie Weasley! Minnie does not deserve this much happiness!"

"Sure you do," he tried to calm her down. He didn't exactly know what to say to her. He'd heard house elves to very emotional, to say the least. "I'm very happy you'll be helping me out. I will pay you in gold every week and you can have whatever days you want off. I don't stay here much because the season's started and I'll be traveling with the team, but I need you to help take care of the house while I'm away. Can you cook?" he asked, knowing the answer to that question.

Minnie jumped up and went to the pantry looking for something to fix for Charlie proving her worth. "Master Charlie Weasley has a huge pantry; Minnie would be honored to sleep in the pantry."

"Okay," he said, knowing that house elves don't require a lot of room, and prefer a small area. "I'll buy you a bed and a wardrobe you can have as much room as you want. I don't need a lot of food. I just mostly keep beer on hand."

Minnie started crying and wailing again. "Master Charlie Weasley is the greatest wizard in the world," she sniffled. "Minnie will take great care of Master." She bowed very low again.

"Thanks," he said. "Can you start right away?" he asked. He wasn't sure how that was going to work, whether she had to give notice somewhere.

"Minnie already started." She said proudly. She produced a plate of food that Charlie had no idea how she could have possibly whipped it up so fast; even with magic. He took a bite and smiled at her.

"Excellent. Very good. Uh," he said, handing her back the plate, after finishing it off. "I need to talk to you about something that's very important, okay?"

Minnie nodded solemnly.

"Well, uh, from time to time I, uh," how was he supposed to say this? That he brought women home and sometimes they weren't magical. For example, the muggle who was snoring away in his bed. "Anyway, sometimes I bring women home."

Minnie gave him the hugest grin and winked. "Master Charlie Weasley is the greatest lover in America."

"No, no, Minnie. But sometimes the women aren't, well, sometimes I meet a nice muggle women and you know, sometimes they spend the night. But muggles don't understand about magical beings and I'd rather they not know about house elves."

Minnie shook her head sadly. "Kingsley house. Everybody upset about muggle in the family. So sad. Master Charlie Weasley knows about Mistress Kingsley marrying that ugly, disgusting muggle when she could have married wonderful Master Charlie Weasley." Charlie flushed. His former girlfriend, Minerva, who was Jordan's sister, broke up with Charlie and ran off with a muggle cello player whom she'd knew from the chamber group she played with.

"No, Minnie, we like muggles, okay?" Charlie said. "Understand?"

"Absolutely Master Charlie Weasley, sir!" Minnie saluted.

"So we're clear about staying out of sight when I have muggles over to visit, right?" He asked.

"Absolutely Master Charlie Weasley, sir!" Minnie saluted again.

"I'll buy you some clothes, too. I want you to be comfortable. And tomorrow I'll have one of the counselors at work write up a contract for us to sign so everything will be fair."

"Minnie doesn't need a contract, Master Charlie Weasley sir." She insisted.

"We're going to have one anyway. Now, it's late, you can sleep in the second bedroom tonight, but don't come out until the young lady leaves. Don't let her see you. That's important."

Minnie nodded solemnly and burst into tears again. "Master Charlie Weasley is letting Minnie sleep in a real big bed. Minnie doesn't need to sleep in a real big bed."

"It's okay. Tomorrow night you can sleep in the pantry if you want. Now go to bed, Minnie. I need some more sleep. I have to get up early for Quidditch practice."

Minnie started to bow lower, but they heard a scream. Charlie and Minnie turned and saw a very frightened Amber, ashen white and completely naked. Minnie was terrified as well. She screamed along with Amber and disapparated with a loud pop.

"What the hell was that?" she asked, almost hysterical.

"What?" Charlie asked innocently. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"That horrible-looking creature you were just talking to."

Charlie shrugged. "I wasn't talking to anyone. I just came down for a snack."

Amber ran her hands through her hair, trying to decide if she was going mad.

"Seriously, look for yourself."

"No!" She was shaking. Charlie walked toward her, but she held up her hand, keeping him away. She turned around and ran back into Charlie's bedroom and grabbed her clothes, her purse, briefcase, and the keys to her car. She hopped into her shoes and ran out of the door.

Minnie popped back into the kitchen. She was crying, so afraid that she had done something wrong. She sniffed as Charlie assured her that she didn't do anything wrong. "This is why you should make yourself scarce when there are muggles in the house," Charlie explained. "They don't understand magic at all."

"Can Minnie still stay with Master Charlie Weasley? She sniffled again.

"Of course you can stay, Minnie. Go to bed now."

"Yes, Master Charlie Weasley, sir." Minnie disappeared with a pop.

When Charlie got up the next morning, Minnie was humming happily in the kitchen, cooking breakfast for Charlie. She knew he liked coffee, and had brewed a large pot. She also knew Charlie never ate a big breakfast before practice.

"Good morning, Master Charlie Weasley," Minnie said.

"Morning, Minnie." He drank the cup of coffee she put in front of him. He finished the coffee and looked at the time. "I have to go. Remember don't let anyone see you today. I'll see you tonight." Charlie walked outside to the back yard and disapparated. Minnie waved to him until he disappeared.

When Charlie got to the practice pitch, Jordan and Joanna were already flying. He flew up to them.

"You know a house elf named Minnie?" Charlie asked Jordan.

"Yeah, I think so. She hung out at my house with the other house elves. I don't think she had a place to live. I forgot about her." He said.

"Apparently she heard I wanted a house elf and she volunteered. How about that?"

"Great. That solves that." Jordan said. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to talk to a counselor about a contract." Charlie said. "I don't want to cheat the poor creature."

"Believe me, I don't think you could cheat her. I heard she's had a pretty rough go of it. I'm glad she found you. I cannot believe I didn't think about her first." Jordan said.

"I think it's going to work out. It's exactly what I need."

Charlie went to the counselors and got a generous contract written up. None of the counselors had ever seen a house elf, but wrote the contract as a domestic. They were a little concerned about the amount of gold he was going to pay her, but he explained that house elves didn't work for money. When the contract was ready to sign, Charlie called her named and she apparated in the counselor's office. The counselor was shocked to see the little creature, but he didn't say anything. Minnie cried and cried as the counselor read the contract and cried as Charlie signed the contract. She cried every louder as she signed her "X" on the bottom line. Charlie told her he'd have her bed and wardrobe by the time he got home from practice.

Minnie blew her huge nose and gave him a watery smile. She took a copy of the contract hugging it tightly and disapparated.

He bought her a toddler bed in the shape of a race car (because she thought it was so beautiful) and a wardrobe for her "things," and bought her some nice clothes for her to wear. From that day on, Minnie took care of Charlie.


End file.
